


A Fair Shake of the Sauce Bottle or Something

by Bethania_Nathaniel



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Les Amis de l'ABC - Freeform, M/M, austrayan au, bogan au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-04-30
Packaged: 2018-03-26 11:47:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3849799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bethania_Nathaniel/pseuds/Bethania_Nathaniel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Les Mis Austrayan Bogan AU. The epic story of three blokes (and their sick leader) who just wanna get smashed and change Austraya for the better.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to the bae Bekka-chan <3 this one's for you
> 
> Furry = Combeferre  
> Granny = Grantaire  
> Raco = Courfeyrac  
> Javelin = Javert

Once upon a time, there were three blokes named Furry, Granny and Raco (like taco with an R). They lived together in Balga in a converted drug den with tin foil still up on all the windows. There was also a red and black modern art piece in the driveway where Raco didn’t see the neighbour’s cat once when he was practising doing burnouts in his Holden. These three blokes argued a lot about politics and some shit, but mostly about which lazy fucker forgot to go to the bottle-o. But they knew that they were special, and that one day, everyone in ‘Straya would know their names.

Like every typical Monday night, they had big plans to get completely fuckin smashed. So they got their best Bintang singlets out and fastened their snapbacks, and at 8pm they were out on the town. The blokes were on their way back from Centrelink when they spotted the meanest cunt in all Balga – Javelin. One time, Javelin caught a hobo nicking some tiger bread from Baker’s Delight, and like now the hobo’s rich or something. Yeah Javelin was a dumb shit. Or so the blokes thought.  
“Oi. Oi. Yeah. You. You mate.” yelled Furry.  
“Fuckin’ cunt, hey.” shouted Granny.  
“Shitface! Over here! Yeah! Yeah you! Shitface!” screamed Raco. Raco’s problem was that he didn’t know when to fucking stop.  
“Piss off, youse worthless shits,” Javelin croaked back. “I’m tryna have a ciggie, orright?”  
But by that time, the three blokes had found their favourite park bench with the least bird shit on it, and had started unloading the goon and beer.  
“Oi, that’s drinking in public, fellahs,” Javelin croaked louder. “I’ll chuck youse in lock-up for that, you watch.”  
“Yer such an old fart, Javelin,” said Furry. “Do you even party? Do you even have like friends or anything?”  
Javelin frowned at them, screwing up his face, until his eyes looked like a narrow horizontal javelin. Almost like his name.  
“Fine,” he said slowly. “Fiiiiiinnneeeee.” He staggered off towards the bus stop. “But I’ll be back!! Youse fucking watch me!!”  
The three blokes then started on the booze, even though Javelin was still stuck there waiting for the 15 for the next hour.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jorlah arrives - the sickest leader of them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to the bae Bekka-chan <3 this one's for you
> 
> Furry = Combeferre  
> Granny = Grantaire  
> Raco = Courfeyrac  
> Javelin = Javert  
> Jorlah = Enjolras

Then Jorlah came around the corner and joined the three blokes at the bench. He did a sick wheelie to prove he was the true leader of the group.  
“Noice one, mate,” the three guys said in unison.   
Jorlah was too hardcore to actually become their housemate. The fact that he slept in their house every night and ate all the fucking food in the pantry was still too rad for the three blokes to handle. Jorlah ripped out a bottle of VB out of the sixpack and then the night truly began. 

“Look at the rack on that chick!” said Granny as a girl walked past.  
“Mate, I’m not sayin’ that I’d fuck her, but I probs would hey.” said Furry.  
“Hey Jorlah, what do ya reckon? You’d fuck her?” asked Raco.   
“Nah mate,” Jorlah replied, sculling the rest of his VB. “Already got a chick, hey.”  
Granny choked on his goon. “What the actual shit?”  
“Since when?” said Furry. Furry was always out of the loop.   
“Dude, I thought you were gay.” Granny laughed so hard at this that he spewed onto the grass beside him. “I swear, like honest, not even drunk right now,” he continued, wiping vomit dribble from his chin.   
“Hey, don’t be a fucking homophobe or some shit, ya fucking poofta.” yelled Raco. Fucking Raco.  
“Jesus fucking Christ mate, I’m like 100% homo. I know what I’m on about.” Granny jumped off the seat and staggered over to Jorlah. “So who the fuck’s the lucky girl?”  
Jorlah stared Granny in the eyes and paused. For a really long time. Without blinking.   
“Austraya,” he finally said.   
All the blokes groaned.  
“Christ, not this shit again,” said Granny. “Austraya’s farked, mate. It's a bloody piece of land. Give up already.” He nearly spewed again on Jorlah’s lap, but Jorlah jumped up in time and grabbed Granny.  
“Come on mate, let’s go get you cleaned up,” Jorlah said. Pulling Granny by the strap of his Bintang singlet, he left the others in search of a bathroom. 

The other two blokes sat still for a moment and contemplated the mystical night, illuminated by traffic lights, and all that had befallen them so far.  
“Do ya think destiny’s a thing?” Furry asked, his green orbs blinking in wonder at his role in the ever-expanding universe of space and time. Everything, save the slightly irritating chirp of crickets behind them, was serene and perfectly balanced in that moment.   
“Jorlah’s totally gonna fuck Granny.” Raco was a fucking shithead.   
“What – what the actual fuck, man. Like, just. Wow.” said Furry.   
“Nah mate, but like Jorlah and Granny’s tongues are totally battling for dominance right now,” Raco insisted.  
“Dude you ruined the moment, just stop.” Furry said, draining the last of the goon bag.   
“It wasn’t even that good.”  
“Fuck off.”  
And with that, Furry got up and ditched Raco at the bench, and sat down all alone at the bus stop, even though it had only been forty-five minutes and Javelin was still there.


End file.
